Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
