Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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