____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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