She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
