pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
