i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize