its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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