Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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