come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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