Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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