I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize