you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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