some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
