Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
