Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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