I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
