I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
