Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
