I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
