That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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