Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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