I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
