you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
