I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Im part way to drunk.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
