3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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