why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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