So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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