i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
