my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
