Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
