how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize