I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
