I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
