you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize