i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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