so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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