Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I think I sprained my soul last night
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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