Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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