I'm eating all of the evidence.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
