You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Are we still banned from the library?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
