If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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