I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
