i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
