how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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