please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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