The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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