walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
