I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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