between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
