She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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