3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
