Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
