Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
