3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
