Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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