He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
