I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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