i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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