A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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