I'm eating all of the evidence.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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