I smell stomach acid.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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