I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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