Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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