my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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