i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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