Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
