who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
