Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
