I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
