Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize