you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
