No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize