oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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