my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
