WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Randomize
