please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
