I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
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