I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
