Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
