Me too!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
