Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
