one two three fourrrrnication!
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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