It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize