Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize