totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
whose parrot is this?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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