On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
