just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
