they need to just BURY HIM!
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
