she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
