real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Be still, my beating vagina.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
