Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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