Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
