Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize