words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
