still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
