So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
