Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
