He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i was born a porn star she said
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
