He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
