I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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