i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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