the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
