Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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