i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
