the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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