Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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