i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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