I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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