meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
