sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
