she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i was born a porn star she said
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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